


have fun gaylords

by deanoisasnacc



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, And Chan is a stressed dad, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Dysfunctional Family, Felix & Changbin are HP nerds, Fluff, Group chat, Implied Sexual Content, Jeongin is literally a ball of anxiety, Jisung is a ball of anger, Just a heads up my dudes, LETS NOT SEXUALIZE THE CHILDREN THANKS, Light Angst, Like.... a lot of swearing, M/M, Multi, Sexual Humor, Swearing, They're all hella gay, Woojin is a wine mom.... literally, Yes this is going to be as realistic as possible, but not between any of the children bc they're my precious babies, yes there will be angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 20:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13959672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanoisasnacc/pseuds/deanoisasnacc
Summary: visualSSS: i hate this familywine mom: you aren't leavingwine mom: too badvisualSSS: butwine mom: NOPEaussie #1: alright i think its time to put down the bottlewine mom: hell nowine mom: who do you think ur talking to





	1. god help us all

**Author's Note:**

> Woojin- wine mom  
> Chan- aussie #1/dad  
> Minho- minOPE  
> Changbin- dahrk  
> Hyunjin- visualSSS  
> Jisung- squish  
> Felix- aussie #2/actual meme  
> Seungmin- HELLp  
> Jeongin- brace face

**_ 5:22 pm _ **

_[aussie #1 has opened a group chat]_

_[aussie #1 has added wine mom, minOPE, dahrk, visualSSS, squish, aussie #2, HELLp and brace face to the chat]_

**aussie #1:** am i going to regret this

**dakrk:** yes

**squish:** yes

**HELLp:** oh hell yes you are

**aussie #1:** good to know guys  
**aussie #1:** glad i asked

**wine mom:** where is my son  
**wine mom:** and who keeps calling jeongin brace face bc i will fighT

**dahrk:** can u actually stand up long enough to fight

**minOPE:** he's literally dowing the rest of the bottle of vodka from chan's birthday i honestly doubt it

**squish:** chan's birthday  
**squish:** dude why didn't you throw the bottle away his birthday was 6 months ago

**HELLp:** he'll still get alcohol poisoning anyway so

**minOPE:** exactly

**visualSSS:** speaking of alcohol

**aussie #1:** please no

**visualSSS:** bitch can i talk

**aussie #2:** IKEBAGWIWBAIA  
**aussie #2:** SHOTS FIRED

**squish:** aren't you supposed to be doing your psych homework dude

**aussie #2:** i finished it an hour ago suck my dick

**HELLp:** if anyone makes one gay joke i swear to god im coming over to your house and stabbing you

**dahrk:** do it you won't

**aussie #2:** babe please don't die

**aussie #1:** ah young love

**brace face:** can someone please help me with math  
**brace face:** and whoever named me brace face fuck you

**wine mom:** MY SON

**minOPE:** i honestly read that as meth and thought jeongin started a meth lab

**squish:** babe what the fuck

**aussie #2:** way to kill the mood man

**dahrk:** babe i got your message what ice cream should i bring

**aussie #2:** cookies  & cream please :*

**HELLp:** that's actually really cute tf

**dahrk:** we're gonna watch harry potter while everyone is out of his house for the week

**minOPE:** have fun gaylords

**HELLp:** okay that's it

**squish:** i actually want you all to know that i have a soft spot for changbin  & felix bc they're so cute loOK MY HEART

**aussie #2:** ily sung

**squish:** ily too you fluff

**brace face:** hi um  
**brace face:** i need help here this is confusing me and im panicking it hutrs to brsthe

**HELLp:** take deep breaths love im on my way

**wine mom:** AW CUTE

**aussie #2:** psych actually makes me want to kill myself

**minOPE:** im oretty sure u learn about that in psych

**dahrk:** oretty

**aussie #1:** oretty

**squish:** oretty

**minOPE:** now im going to kms

**aussie #2:** hey maybe you should take psych next year

**visualSSS:** i hate this family

**wine mom:** you aren't leaving  
**wine mom:** too bad

**visualSSS:** but

**wine mom:** NOPE

**aussie #1:** alright i think its time to put down the bottle

**wine mom:** hell no  
**wine mom:** who do you think ur talking to

**aussie #1:** my alcoholic bf  
**aussie #1:** bitch

**aussie #2:** everyday we stray further from god's light

**minOPE:** god who  
**minOPE:** never heard of her

_[aussie #2 has removed minOPE from the chat]_

**aussie #2:** you're all fucking welcome

* * *

 

**_12:52 am_ **

**dahrk:** we're still watchinng harry potter   
**dahrk:** and this is why i have a fucked up sleep schedule

**aussie #2:** CHRIS

**aussie #1:** YEAH 

**aussie #2:** BRING WOOJIN AND LETS WATCH HP

**aussie #1:** ON OUR WAY

**HELLp:** oh my god   
**HELLp:** JISUNG WE HAVE A PROJECT DUE TODAY FUCK

**squish:** OH MOTHERFUCKER

**HELLp:** BOLT OVER HERE BITCH LETS GO

**squish:** LEMME GET SHOES ON GODDAMN

**HELLp:** OH SHIT ISNT HYUNJIN WORKING WITH US

**visualSSS:** BITCH IM COMING SHIT

**squish:** GET OVER HERE ILL DRIVE YOU

**visualSSS:** BABE IM ALREADY RUNNING

**wine mom:** god this is a mess

**brace face:** you don't say

**HELLp:** babe ur good @ american history right

**brace face:** I think i am   
**brace face:** i have a 102% in there so

**HELLp:** good get over here please

**brace face:** ugh fine i'll sneak out   
**brace face:** is it that fucking 10 slide PowerPoint

**squish:** sí

**visualSSS:** dude how the fuck do you have a 102%

**brace face:** dude chung loves me

**squish:** not me

**HELLp:** that's bc you called him a bald headed bastard underneath your breath when you brought breakfast into class

**dahrk:** HAHAHAHA

**squish:** fuck him i'll bring food into class if i want to  
**squish:** i bring you two bitches food every morning

**visualSSS:** that's bc you love me

**squish:** and i pity seungmin

**HELLp:** why what the fuck

**squish:** bc you have gym right after history with mrs buff & tough   
**squish:** bitch

**HELLp:** ....  
**HELLp:** good point

**squish:** OH FUCK MY CAR ENGINE DIED  
**squish:** BABE START WALKING

**visualSSS:** ALREADY STARTED

**squish:** GOOD ME TOO

**brace face:** i just walked in through your front door  
**brace face:** am i going to regret this

**dahrk:** yes

**brace face:** fuck

**HELLp:** god help us all

**aussie #1:** not in here he isn't

* * *

 

_** 8:22 am ** _

_[wine mom has added minOPE to the chat]_

**wine mom:** so did your presentation go well 

**squish:** i actually want to kill myself

**wine mom:** i'll take that as shitty okay thanks

**squish:** first ones to go up and i fucking stuttered and spluttered like my fucking engine   
**squish:** AND THEN we were told we didn't have enough info put into 10 slides  
**squish:** AND i flipped him off and walked out of class

**HELLp:** there it is

**wine mom:** chan did the exact same fucking thing junior year

**aussie #1:** he pissed me off and said i didn't put any effort into my project  
**aussie #1:** so i told him to fuck off and i slammed the door shut when i walked out

**visualSSS:** pretty much what jisung did tbh

**aussie #2:** this is why we can't have nice things

**minOPE:** dude you literally got detention last wednesday for punching some guy twice and kneeing him in the stomach

******aussie #2:****** _he fucking deserved it though_  
**aussie #2:** bitch decided to grope me so i decked him  
**aussie #2:** 2 hrs with the gym teacher wasn't so bad tbh

**dahrk:** that's my boy  
**dahrk:** if you didn't deck him i would've

**aussie #1:** s/o to felix my man

**aussie #2:** _yeet_

**wine mom:** so what  
**wine mom:** you got detention tonight @squish

**squish:** yes  
**squish:** and so did hyunjin & seungmin

**brace face:** goddamn it seungmin  
**brace face:** we were supposed to go over to felix's  & watch HP

**HELLp:** i told chung that if he didn't like our presentation he could shove it up his ass  
**HELLp:** and i followed jisung out the door

**visualSSS:** and then i just followed them out the door & told him to fuck off

**wine mom:**....  
**wine mom:** did i raise you to be like this

**minOPE:** yes

**aussie #1:** yes

**brace face:** so my boyfriend has detention tonight

**minOPE:** my boyfriends do too so

**brace face:** want to come over to felix's w/ me   
**brace face:** & then we'll all go to pick them up

**dahrk:** fine with me

**aussie #1:** sounds good

**aussie #2:** im gonna speak for everyone and say yes pls spend the night @ my house

**HELLp:** do you really want that

**aussie #2:** fuck yeah   
**aussie #2:** today's friday why the fuck not

**squish:** who's driving to pick us up  
**squish:** my car's dead  & i cant fit all of your fat asses in the car

**brace face:** wow fuck you too :')

**dahrk:** i nominate chan as tribute

**HELLp:** me too

**aussie #2:** yeah @aussie #2

**brace face:** chan

**wine mom: @** babe

**aussie #1:** FUCK OKAY DAMN

**visualSSS:** we love you

**aussie #1:** shut the fuck up

 


	2. i'm about to light up my dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minOPE: if we all die jeongin did it
> 
> wine mom: that's my boy
> 
> aussie #1: STOP ENCOURAGING HIM
> 
> wine mom: DONT YELL AT ME
> 
> squish: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

**_ 11:58 am _ **

  
**brace face:** this just in  
**brace face:** i want to die

 **dahrk:** same fam

 **visualSSS:** what the fuck

 **brace face:** i dont have money for lunch

 **HELLp:** you can literally walk to my locker and grab some food ????  
**HELLp:** i have momey in my account

 **minOPE:** momey

 **aussie #1:** momey

 **HELLp:** i swear to god

 **aussie #2:** aren't you supposed to be in lunch detention  
**aussie #2:** with no technology  
**aussie #2:** finishing a test

 **HELLp:** i'm supposed to do alot of things  
**HELLp:** but as usual  
**HELLp:** i live to disappoint

 **brace face:** ily

 **HELLp:** ilym

 **squish:** _screams_

 **aussie #1:** did you scream in the middle of the lunch room

 **squish:** yes

 **visualSSS:** and busted our eardrums  
**visualSSS:** thanks jisung

 **squish:** no problemo friendo

 **wine mom:** you all have lunch together  
**wine mom:** and still message the chat  
**wine mom:** a-fucking-mazing

 **aussie #1:** oh my god you did the same thing shut up

 **minHO:** this is getting wildt

 **dahrk:** i swear to fucking god

 **squish:** some kid behind us said, "if i set my dick on fire will i get out of this project"  
**squish:** and hyunjin said and i quote, "i'm very close to setting my dick on fire too lets be friends"

 **aussie #2:** if he doesn't set his dick on fire i surely will

 **visualSSS:** what the fuck man i thought we were friends

 **aussie #2:** stop stealing my food bitch and maybe i won't

 **HELLp:** please don't set fire to his dick

 **brace face:** save me  
**brace face:** pls

 **aussie #1:** jesus christ

 **aussie #2:** minho you make another joke about god and hyunjin's dick won't be the only one that's on fire

 **squish:** this just in  
**squish:** changbin just said, "i'm about to light up my dick"

 **wine mom:** why are we lighting dicks

 **brace face:** oh nOW YOURE BACK  
**brace face:** IM ABOUT READY TO LIGHT ALL OF THEIR DICKS ON FIRE

 **minOPE:** if we all die jeongin did it

 **wine mom:** that's my boy

 **aussie #1:** STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

 **wine mom:** DONT YELL AT ME

 **squish:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

* * *

  ** _1:59 PM_**

 **squish:** STOP LEAVING ME ON READ U BITCHES

 **aussie #2:** we didn't forget about u  
**aussie #2:** there's these things called classes

 **dahrk:** yeah we kinda forgot about you

 **aussie #2:** babe what the fuck

 **minOPE:** oh

 **visualSSS:** oh

 **brace face:** if my phone blows up in his class and i get in trouble i'm beating all of your asses

 **HELLp:** don't test him he probably will

 **squish:** yeah we got that min thanks

 **visualSSS:** well someone's feeling testy today™

 **squish:** we have detention for 2 hours today of course i'm feeling hella testy

_[visualSSS has changed brace face's name to satan's spawn]_

  
**satan's spawn:** kill yourself

 **squish:** jesus christ

 **wine mom:** jesus  
**wine mom:** who pissed in your guys' cheerios today

 **minOPE:** you really want us to answer that

 **wine mom:** no not really

 **aussie #2:** i'm in psych and ready to die :')

 **dahrk:** NO  
**dahrk:** if u die who will i love for the rest of my life

 **squish:** AW THAT'S CUTE  
**squish:** SHIT

 **aussie #2:** hi yes this is why i love u @ dahrk  
**aussie #2:** and i love the rest of u too so

 **wine mom:** we love you too meme son

_[visualSSS has changed aussie #2's name to actual meme]_

**actual meme:** thanks man

 **visualSSS:** no problemo mi amigo

_[actual meme has changed aussie #1's name to dad]_

**dad:** ohhhhh  
**dad:** thanksssss

 **squish:** did anyone else read that in the avacado vine voice or

 **dahrk:** YOO I DID

 **squish:** it's an avacado

 **dahrk:** thanksss

 **dad:** i'm disowning you fuckers

 **squish:** DAD NO

 **dahrk:** FATHER NO

 **dad:** YES DAD

 **HELLp:** now all of a sudden i can't wait for detention

 **visualSSS:** me too

 **minOPE:** oh will you two stop being debbie downers

 **dad:** please don't make me disown you too you're one of my favorites

 **actual meme:** BITCH

 **dad:** I SAID ONE  
**dad:** GODDAMN

 **satan's spawn:** I JUST WANT TO FUCKING LEARN  
**satan's spawn:** WHY ARE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS

 **HELLp:** HE'S GONNA BEAT SOME ASSES RUN

 **wine mom:** i want a divorce from this family

 **dad:** me too

 **wine mom:** _oh_

**actual meme:** _OH_

**dahrk:** oh no

 **visualSSS:** goddamn it

 **dad:** WAIT BABE

 **wine mom:** ITS TOO LATE NOW

 **visualSSS:** GODDAMN IT  
**visualSSS:** WE JUST WANT TO LEARN WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE TODAY

 **wine mom:** YOU ALREADY HAVE DETENTION TODAY WHAT MORE TROUBLE CAN YOU GET INTO

 **visualSSS:** IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION THAT'S WHAT  
**visualSSS:** BITCH

 **satan's spawn:** CAN Y'ALL FUCKING CHILL

 **minOPE:** y'all

 **HELLp:** y'all

 **dad:** y'all

 **satan's spawn:** i'm so glad that making fun of my vocab has made the argument disappear

 **minOPE:** we love you smol bab

 **satan's spawn:** fucking disown me already @ dad


End file.
